Struggling with PMDD, anxiety, depression, and in-office work, feeling stuck between my mental health and a high-paying job

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling and could use some outside perspective.

I’ve been diagnosed with PMDD, anxiety, and depression. (28F). I also take the max dose of Fluoxetine. I currently work at a very large financial institution. The pay and benefits are great (honestly probably the highest salary I’ll make for a long time), but my mental health has been deteriorating badly.

I have a 2 hour commute to work and a 2 hour commute home, and physically being in the office makes me extremely anxious. I often have to get up from my desk to go to the bathroom where I cry in the stall and hyperventilate. I constantly feel like I’m being watched and hate the feeling of always being “on.” On top of that, the office is freezing cold and the lights are painfully bright. I’m also a highly sensitive person, so the sensory overload is really hard for me.

I don’t have any work friends. I’m one of the only women on my team, there are two others, but they’re more than double my age, and I feel incredibly isolated. My boss is also a micromanager and it makes me very uncomfortable. He does weekly “process confirms” in addition to regular one-on-ones, which feels excessive and adds to my anxiety.

I also can’t bring myself to feel passionate about the work. That makes me feel guilty, especially since I’m being paid well. I would feel even more guilty quitting and having my fiancé support me financially, even though he’s told me multiple times that he wants me to quit because he hates seeing me like this. It’s taking a toll on his mental health too. I sob and have panic attacks almost every night before work.

Some context: Before this role, I worked at a different but equally reputable and large financial institution and felt the exact same way. I went on FMLA at that job because of my mental health, returned, and still felt just as bad. At the time, I thought it was just that job or team that wasn’t the right fit. So, I ultimately quit.

I started my current role in the Fall, hoping a fresh start would fix things. But now I’m realizing that even in a new company, with a new role, I’m experiencing the same anxiety, overwhelm, and distress. It’s making me question whether it’s not the jobs themselves, but the in-office corporate environment that’s fundamentally unhealthy for my mental health.

When I’m PMSing or on my period, everything gets significantly worse. Some days I can barely get out of bed, my body feels heavy, my brain is exhausted, and the PMDD brain fog is overwhelming. The long commute makes this even harder. Even outside of my cycle, I still feel anxious and overwhelmed in the office.

I’ve noticed that I function much better on days I can work remotely. At home, I can concentrate in my own controlled environment. In the office, I get distracted and overstimulated by people walking around, side conversations, noise, lights, all of it. I feel constantly overwhelmed. There have been days where I feel so hopeless that it feels like my only options are quitting and being jobless, I just don’t know how to keep living like this.

I actually interviewed last week for a fully remote job, but it would be a significant pay cut with worse benefits (and I don’t even know if I’ll get an offer). I’m assuming any remote role will be a pay cut compared to what I make now.

I keep thinking about how women operate on a roughly 28-day hormonal cycle, while men operate on a 24-hour one, and I feel so incompetent dealing with PMDD on top of anxiety and depression, especially in a high-pressure, male-dominated field. I’m starting to feel like this industry just isn’t healthy for someone with my health issues. I’m completely at a loss.

Has anyone: • Taken a pay cut for remote work and found it worth it? • Dealt with PMDD in a demanding corporate environment? • Left a “golden handcuffs” job for mental health reasons and not regretted it?

Any insight, perspective, or shared experiences would really mean a lot right now.

Thank you for reading!!!!